Friday, September 30, 2005

Down with the Philo Dept., or Why Insomnia is Bad Bad Bad

"Gentlemen, it is a fact that every philosopher of eminence for the last two centuries has either been murdered, or, at the least, been very near it, insomuch that if a man calls himself a philosopher, and never had his life attempted, rest assured there is nothing in him; and against Locke's philosophy in particular, I think it is an unanswerable objection (if we needed any) that, although he carried his throat about him in this world for seventy-two years, no man ever condescended to cut it."

- Thomas de Quincey, "Murder Considered as One of the Fine Arts".

Well, Ladies, Gentlemens and other Judeans-at-large,
This is what happens when you pay too much attention to the nature of God, the hopelessness of man, and the chances of torrential rain in pre-Bronze Age Tenochtitlan. You become a philosopher. Then you die. This is how some of these tyrants died -

Calvin: Predestined
Camus: Found exit
Darwin: Became unfit
Derrida: Deconstructed
Descartes: Stopped thinking
Einstein: Diced with God
Foucault: Disempowered
Freud: Slipped
Hegel: Gave up the Geist
Heisenberg: Uncertain causes
Levi-Strauss: Eaten by natives
Machiavelli: Intriguing causes
Marx: Material causes
Ockham: Shaved beyond necessity
Pirsig,Robert: Motorcycle crashed
Plato: Caved in
Pythagoras: Squared on the hypotenuse
Rand, Ayn: Objectified ego
Rousseau: Contract job
Sartre: Nothing doing
Saussure: Parole revoked
Zeno: Run over by tortoise


warm and toasty said...


Rimi said...

brilliant! so, when do we start working on the book, eh? :D

Phõéníx said...'re missing the most important of the lot...The Jude Bard!

Soumik said...


Pip Squeak said...

Is there a current philosopher lined up for a gruesome death? Wish Jyoti Basu was a philosopher.

panu said...

you MISSED the all-time favourite...
Aristotle - in Tragi-Comic contadiction